peacin the peeps.

All the great people, you meet and greet chat and laugh, in these coastal towns, the connections are quickly gone as fast as they came in. people are on a springboard from Sydney to Cairns and my head spins so fast I can't figure out what is happening.

Sally and her mate left with Ben, and me to join them. But I starved for the road, thirsting some time apart from my good man I'd been livin with for the past four months. Believing it was time to take aim in a random decision I said good bye.
Fortunately as they left, Huib, Greg, Helen and Ellie had forged a plan to rent a car and climb Mt. Warning out the way of Nimbin. The first place in Australia the sun hits in the morning. They were kind enough to open hands and allow me in.
Another one of those things I had been anticipating, awaiting, anxiously craving.

We did not make it to Mt.Warning in time for the climb, but we did see Nimbin and what a town that one is.....

The times they come n go...

The air I breathe these days free from that chamber thtas been soaked with the fumes of negativity and tarnish. Releasing the clasps, a challenge of heart and sensibility.
Answers Dangle, common sense frigid and worthless. here is the castle you built, the mind forming its impressions long before action. Expectations climb as the impressions grow, illusion intruding and so a hollow center begin.

There is beauty and nature here, even as he sits watching. With all this freedom still come sensibility. Humans will be humans, all good but energy still needs to connect like the stars of the southern cross. We could walk these shores together, I would dream a stance where the mountains sit on the horizon..

When Sally arrived it was very late, and I crashed on the couch waiting. It had been three long years since we had shared breathing space. I am not sure how my face could have looked, but one thing I do know, me and ben both had blemished faces, his black eye from snowboarding Ruapehu. My gashed up cheek from a night torubled with the goon juice. Im sure that one could have been worse if not for my frenchman comrade Thomas, and a nameless taxi driver.

Sally set us up in a 3 bedroom condo in this swank luxury villa. Pool, hot tub, big screen, full kitchen. Of course. My domain for the week! Took that one over Day and night every opportunity i had. It came alive producing three course suppers with soup and all.

Sally had also invited a good friend, travelling mate from the years that had past, to stay and parade with us. Naturally they got the Queen and me n Benny shared a room with cople singles. Still after two weeks of hostels and planes, nothing could have been better.

Although time had transformed a phrase or two, being with these two, all three of us forged from Banff. It could not have been better. Even if I'm the type to starve for everything that is not instead of what is.
By that I mean, when its time to party its gotta be bigger and better, always The music is never too loud, unless Im talking, then its gotta maintain a good volume to drown out the motor mouth maddness.

A great night out, random shoe swap as we walked into the beachhouse. Men walking the floor with one flip flop and on the other foot, a tightly squeezed high heel. I'm not exactly sure how we tangled into this, but what I know is that it all happened so fast. This night we barbecued back at the Casa Del Surf with the mates, and a new face, this American Girl, straight outta the song, arrived from Thailand. Kat had been staying at the art Museum with Helen and Ellie, two fun loving Brits that kept up well with the amount of debauchery that was goin round.
I wouldn't get the pleasure to really caht with them two till we reached Nimbin a week later. When your stuck in a car, on a road trip, there has got to be some forming connection through all the anticipation and delight. Especially how beautiful that drive was.

Here can be the downflal in all this. all these great people you meet and greet, chat and laugh, in these coastal towns, the connections are quickly gone about as fast as they come in. People are on a springboard form Sydney to Cairns, and my head spins so fast I can't figure out what has just happened.

night time steam rises. but the sun heal healthy

Pretty little lady , out there and here I am inside the stomach I've been feeding for so long. Here, things are no different. Sun rises and sun sets. I've written you other letters, and sort of set them aside. When I think of you, and all you have given to my life, it's hard to think how far you are from I.
There are many things I have chosen to do with this life of mine. Plenty of mistakes, a handsome amount of illict desicions, a part of me might feel the crying. Pouring out. Emptying all the pain, the doubt, the sanity. What is she doing right now? What s she wearing, how does she look?
In the hostel here, there are four people from France. The point here is that I can't seem to shake you out of this mind. Sitting here thinking about you. Spending all this time running from you, or so it seems, but everything I do, I think what it would be like ....

Once you've spent enough time alone, you make decisions based on that. Taking care of number one, and really, there is only one person you have to trust. The easy way out. Just you and your thoughts.
My body is tired, heart thirsty, hands cold like alaskan soil. This guy is a handful to tolerate and I was not, always fair or easy to deal with. Time anda time again I print these words and box em up. baby, I am fairly certain the world I know and love needs you in it. The world is not two dimensions, and every year it gets deeper, darker. I look around for people that understand me. And immediately I have some names bang within my head. Having a woman on the top of that list is not an easy thing for a man who lives his own beaten path. I retired from putting myself through the mill time and again, for the mistakes I've made in my past.

As you know, there was another little lady. Her name, Andrea Dato. She was a couple years younger, innocent, peaceful, full of laughs and smiling. She was kind, warm, and honest. She loved this guy more than i could have imagined. She gave her whole to me as donation with only one string attached. TRUST.

She was a bit of a child when we met, and lived her relationships that way as well. I gave her freedom, and body. I ran from her too. When it was good I did everything possible to mash it up. I tore a piece out of that ladies world. For whatever reason. She wanted to give me a chance, but the powers that be stripped that from happening. nstead she left the man alone, and for so long I hurt. From guilt, from loss, form idiocy.
It took a lot to get out of that hole. I couldnt let her go. I kept seeing her face, everywhere, hearing her voice every time I turned around. Now I have this new voice in my head, turning up again and again.

BEach on the bay, living the velocity of a snail, trickling the sand between toes, soaking the nose when the sun barrels to the floor. That dream state drawn on a canvas, waves smashing as the tide follow it's rythmn. Bluest skies camouflaging the water bellow it, endless, filled with hope and opportunity.
Decisions live and time, exhausted, believes in dance alone. what he was after, every prediciton, invalid, but still the experience live in these doors. What knocks constant is that guilt that grow, his chances in the past. An auckward figure stands and deliver, the brain confused, tired of being taken for granted. The poison reach from within. the air I breathe these days, free from the chanber, being soaked with the fumes of negativity and tarnish. Releasing the clasps, a challenge of heart and sensibility.
Answers dangle, common sense frigid and worthless. here is the castle you built, the mind forming its impression long before action. Expectations climb, illusion grow and a hollow center begin.

A little bit of Byron...

There is this point that looks and sits as the farthest Eastern piece of land in Australia. That is this lighthouse in Byron Bay. here I was fortuante to see a whale take a a few strides, and dives. To the right a collection of waves sprawled so far , moving to quick and all in unsion, inspiration felt bold. This place is known as Dolphin Beach, a place where we could escape to late at night for adventure and endless amounts of noise, away from the complaining gull of the enemy. Ben said they saw a Kangeroo cut across the path one night... Him and Greg will stab themselves in the heart to declare it im sure... but im a skeptic.

Late night beaching is really what grabs me. Almost every night I strolled down to Byron Main, in one direction or another just walking the tide, taking in the sounds, breathing the truth, forming an alliance with the sand. And well, if the energies were right maybe meet someone else kicking stones in the dark.
The first night in Byron we had this opportunity. Three local men and these two ladies from France would gather with us. A young asian man full of talent on his Bongo drum, Ben on the beatbox, his teeth and tongue and lip, tangible and o target. The rest of us digging up the words to Long Beach and Ben Harper.
It's funny now that, this here was everything I'd hoped for, but would not see it again the rest of my time in Byron, the same. And well, I am sure you are saying... This really not that funny, moments are moments and can never truely be relived. True Say!!

The first afternoon I got the chance to experience sunset on the beach in Australia, it was not exactly wide open, but it was captivating and mesmerizing to boot. Of course I had already explored all of this I have been writing, but it seems I have gone and lost these pages... Please be patient if this all seems to not quite fit together. That is the way we rollin!

The clouds were clear, with only a few three demensional thin lines crossing the sky, the colours from below start formulating posture on a true scheme. A pink shade nearly dominating the backdrop for the face of this tiring sun. Some purple shade tracing through the new blue. It all came down in silence burning like a beautiful fire in the sky, of only the characterisitcs that could be of a house inflamed in heaven.
Those with me also sat in silence, a small gang of us, hostelling, parading the surface. I was caught, trapped in my own head, digging for regularity and posture. Found half a decade ahead of every free spirit I met. Maybe I am a fool that should just get over it already.

The stretch into australia...

Like a giant frozen valley spread across Canada, maybe something like Greenland, maybe the look of the antarctic. The clouds home to a congested soul, dying to let loose. Across the oceans, feet so far from home, Macauly Culkin couldn't fathmn the alone time. behind the beaten track of many others, diggin up my own gold bars, my own scars, on the road to better health and sunshine where the lines written, a new script.
Here comes another layer of clouds on this cake above the atmosphere. Ready to fall off the side of the earth any moment. Looking down at the pond without a trace of life, being out there on a ship I could feel the pleasure, the full out freedom and freshness of being at sea.

What league is it where a woman thinks she holds all the keys, running the show from the staring eye of uncontroleable boy, they build and destroy, strutt across pavement like grazing doe. Swaggering skirts, all fresh haircuts, perfected eye make-up and the look to set up a pick n choose. The chat is short, something like the breaking of ribs, if your carriage is broken and horses are old, loveliness remain on a t.v screen. Searching for turtles in the depths beneath these collections of gas. Thousands of miles, fish of all sorts, swimming together to the mouth of bigger, faster species, walking into the nets of commercial exploition for riches. Always dancing to the same songs, listening to the same beat, acting like the cold walls of this ship. Throwing fits we'd go back and forth, same story about how the love should be more, that cash and cars are more than just pawns in the game. If the man is not ready to share and embrace the idea of giving than he should turn around and go home.

Here I am willing to spill it when necessary, my heart, your worth, i'll be there when you need guidance and warmth, i'll hold you when you feel alone. But this is not the sharing we need, this is not the giving man a greedy pig seek. Why do I spin the wheel and walk the earth alone, because I am out for self first. Don't ever settle for second best, don't ever say that there is not more for you. Driving your esixtance for property, fame or wealth may bring you these things, but the trees are listening and there is much more worse about being lonely instead of alone.

I know you get me, I know there are a few out there that feel my trust and truth. I'll hold you all close and we should band together... so where is the understanding, the good nature. There are a few people out there, from the powers that be, we crossed paths with no coincedence. It may have been short lived, but I believe in listening to something deeper. We may never see each other again, we may never do anything for each other, but I feel your heart and love you for your nature.

So he finally reaches AUSTRALIA, and the person he was looking for is not exactly there. Still the same man, feeling the same within, interacting with the same mentality. The spirit wants to live, there is this surge od desperation. It's beautiful here, the beaches run the length of a town. Sand squeeking on the approach, stars and skies the sight I wanted for all that I have tried. The course has just begun, the road still long and so much more to explore, but sometimes I fear my own shadow.
Met these people from France, first thing I say is "Oh my girlfriend is from France, her name is Leatitia Latapy and she is from 'La Motte Servolex'" A beautiful woman who I am pretty confident to say, loves this guy more than anyone. She s got my back no matter what. Fell in love a long while ago and been running form it since. For all the time invested to take this on, couldn't turn back.
Some have said that I will fall into someones grips while finding time, this mind can say what it will, I fell in already and starve to forget.... with all the best intentions.

"this unconscious was so cowardly that the best partner it could choose for its little comedy was this miserable provincial waitress with practically no chance at all to enter his life" - Milan Kundera (unbearable lightness of being)

' a person who longs to leave the place where he lives is an unhappy person.'

A mind moves while on the hitch....

In the dark I am at home, that which I've grown up beisde. Without seeing the earth, different from that which I've walked for so long and without that flat Canadian English accent, the evening holds home in eyes unable to absorb change.

Cruising speed, the nickles and dimes become poridge and polenta. An overwhelmed mind that has not yet connected with the body. Confused and scattered across these steps as much as the paper I write on. Illusions of extreme adventure, a whole mirage of tremendous speer fishing fortitude. The days are short, getting orientated and organized can be a long stretch. Options are there, but it all seems just barely outta reach.

A litteral junkie, brain always on and pushing to prove a point, here is this time where one should relax and settle in, but it is always the numbers, never laying naked. The other hand, mind of a mountain goat, walking without a rope. Careless and distant, persistant to connect deeper than an instant. Grown tired of the chase. Looking within, searching for a lost mate.
It's funny, the things you ask for, the pros and the cons. Without being delibrate, setting your inner self up for rejection, or pain, or failuer. Standing in the center of this circle, focused on the contact he has lost with his inner child. Like he, she works for the future thirsty for love and companionship. Everyone has an emotion they wear like a glove, some hide, scowr, sleep or even dream, allowing this rule of society to go and just live on a raft lost, every stride works a hardened core.

Cafe stops, all along the bully, comforting ora dances this strip, but the beings are still machine, all walking the plank. What happened to reason, balance, compassion. Its not only them that csurry heartlessness, I stand bleeding within able to write an emotion straight, but the concious word is sharp, feeling intolerable. Maybe I need some chemical romance to readjust my warmth and guidance. Feeling like a fool, climbing a wall of ice, cracked and receding. A dog chasing his tail, alone, plotted in the jungle, now fighting for land.

There is only one choice and that is life, above all, happiness I seek like the forerunner in a relay race sweating against his baton.
A group of indulgent verses live likely to succeed like nurses, heavy purse, big win, everyone wants to be involved with something that brings life like birth. Deserted Island freedom with peers all singing the same song every season. When its roadwork your doing, going back to the daily is the last path you want to take, but goals are better than peachtrees.
Planning a diving expedition where the water is territory and the fish are the one time babies. Every spot, every step, a new angle, a new fact, another bet.

Gloomy greys made it tough, a brilliant self comes alive onthe shore of our Pacific. And there she is. After years of subtle thought from a few provacative days, meeting, laughing, its been so long of the journeymens mystic change, living blistered and skeptic.

Blasting off like galaxy hoppers, today is a new day, and years of anticipation finally exposed and executed. So many days where energy castrated depth, for this is what was going to happen. Success is fulfilling when you realize it is all in the palm of a hand, and sweet like sugar. Seeking pleasure, action, something to prove, in love, realistically, it operates from a diagram taking work like anything else. Was she really that important, do you really continue to punish and guilt your own soul. Where did forgiveness go? Where is little Annie now, who you held without measure, acting impartial, indifferent. And what of the character she knew and loved, when did all that doubt grow inside, is confidence not supposed to grow in time?

Aukward and uneasy we stand trying to communicate through a steel door. Although we are free from our chains this lingering sting lay like land in the pit of this stomach.
These pockets lived technology disabled, lived off the grid, acted and play a life without kids. Eventually foyers of the past close and its you. Your mirror image, and the way you hold your nose.

The beauty is all around us, the back country, farm land shaped similar to valleys of BC but smooth grass shoots all the way across the North Island. Driving on the opposite side of the road. Openning doors opposite, humour, texture, good natured. Little litter lay across the course, little leisure like the western world. Here fashion seems the least of concerns, where its five times more expensive for something simple like a cucumber, you can understand why.